He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
