dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
