thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize