Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
