My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
