I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize