her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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