what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
