highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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