All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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