I look better un-naked...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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