I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
my shit smells like andre
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
As shirtless as possible
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
