weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize