Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
