mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Do vagina's smell?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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