tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
