I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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