Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
one two three fourrrrnication!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
