What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize