the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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