I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
