Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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