i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
