When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize