Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You are a genius and a whore.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
