u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
