Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
