i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
