I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
