He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
