he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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