dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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