Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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