She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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