when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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