sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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