we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
