I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
