I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize