Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
