why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
