so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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