They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
