there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
only if we run a train.
done.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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