Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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