"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
