the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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