brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
