they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
