So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
