You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
