I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
