YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
