People with herpes should wear stickers.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
