I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
