she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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