I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm too high and old for this...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
