I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
