so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
