I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Randomize
