My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
