Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
