He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
