Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
