Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
