you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
