It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
