You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
